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Professor J.H. Bavincklaan 7, 1183AT, Amstelveen, Netherlands
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Professor J.H. Bavincklaan 7, 1183AT, Amstelveen, Netherlands
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Blog: Third Culture Children - Between Worlds, Between Languages, Between Identities
When a family moves from one country to another, the parents bring with them an experience of change - but also anchors from the past: language, culture, childhood memories, stories about "how it was back home." For children, especially those who move at a young age or are born to immigrant families, the story is completely different. They live between worlds, not just between countries.
These are third culture children - children growing up in a culture different from their parents', usually in a foreign country, creating for themselves a hybrid identity - a third one. Not the culture from which their parents came, not the culture of the host country, but something in between.
Third culture children live in a unique space between identities, building bridges between different cultural worlds, and creating their own identity that combines the best of each world.
Characteristics of Third Culture Children
These children quickly learn to "read the social map": how to talk to a Dutch teacher, an Israeli grandmother, or a French neighbor. They capture subtleties, understand cultural cues, and translate norms and concepts for themselves. Sometimes they become translators - not just in language but also in culture - for their parents.
This flexibility develops in them adaptability, rich interpersonal communication, and openness to the world. They practice not seeing the world as "obvious," but as a question that requires interpretation. Sometimes they mature earlier than expected, with responsibility, global awareness, and international cultural sensitivity.
But, like any flexibility, the price can be a feeling of rootlessness.
Daily and Emotional Challenges
Third culture children experience losses that are not always visible. They may change countries, schools, languages, friends, sometimes without those around them understanding how significant these transitions are for them. Even when they don't physically "wander," just the fact that they live in a culture different from that of home creates a sense of internal instability.
Additionally, they may feel like "others" in both worlds:
- In the host country: because of their name, appearance, or home customs.
- At home or during holidays in their country of origin: because the language no longer flows, or because they "are no longer really from there."
In schools, they may be perceived as too quiet or as observers from the side. Sometimes, they learn to hide their sense of foreignness and present "I'm coping well," even when they experience loneliness or longing.
Identity Confusion - Who Am I Among Them?
One of the central challenges of third culture children is identity confusion. Identity, composed of circles such as language, belonging, external appearance, values, and memories - is built for them within a split reality. Such a child might ask themselves:
- "Am I Israeli or Dutch?"
- "Why do I think in English, speak in Hebrew, and dream in Dutch?"
- "Why don't they understand me here... and not there either?"
This feeling sometimes creates an internal conflict: the desire to belong versus the desire to preserve uniqueness, loyalty to the parents' culture versus the desire "to be like everyone else" in the place where they grow up.
When a child's cultural identity is built around the experience of "both and" - it's important not to turn it into "either this or that." Children need affirmation for the complexity they experience.
Relationships with Parents - A Place of Belonging, and Also of Tension
Third culture children live between two worlds, and their parents live mainly in one of them. This creates a gap: parents want to preserve the culture, values, and language in which they grew up; children, sometimes, want to integrate - not to feel different. What is perceived by the parent as "pride" in origin, can be perceived by the child as "shame" or "burden."
Typical situations:
- A child who is embarrassed to speak the parents' mother tongue outside the home.
- Arguments around codes of politeness, education, or family dynamics.
- A sense of guilt in the child that they are "betraying" the family identity.
Additionally, often children feel they need to mediate between parents and society - whether in linguistic translation or cultural explanations. This can strengthen them, but also transfer to them a burden that is not appropriate for their age.
How Can We Support These Children?
- Recognize the complexity and not be alarmed by it - even if the child "seems to be coping," it's important to check how they feel, what they lack, and what's happening inside them.
- Preserve a complex identity at home - talk proudly about the culture from which you came, but also make room for what the child loves in the new culture. Don't turn the differences into a threat - but into a conversation.
- Allow free emotional expression - don't ignore statements like "I feel foreign," "I don't know who I am," or "I miss home." Give these feelings a place. They're not a sign of a problem, but they are part of the processing.
- Be in contact with other families in a similar situation - sometimes a conversation with another child who is experiencing the same thing creates a sense of belonging that even parents cannot provide.
- Remember that the child's identity is built not only through education, but through experience - and the most significant experience is the feeling that they are understood and loved exactly as they are.
In Summary
Third culture children are children growing up between cultures with wide hearts, global perspectives, and roots that begin to strike in new soil while preserving memories from the previous soil. They hold a special power - but also a vulnerability that requires recognition.
When parents understand their world from the inside, and not just through external behavior - a deep connection is created that accompanies the child throughout their life. A connection that allows them to say with pride: "I am both. And I am whole."